Shimmer
by siberian
Summary: Aya musings about his life and a certain brunette^^... light shonen-ai, waff and fluff. Thanx a bunch to Laura (phoenix star) for beta-ing this one^^!


Let me tell you something about being an assassin. You need a couple of things to be able to survive in this world I'm living in. First, of course, you need skill. Skill to kill, skill to run away as quickly as possible while needed, skill to be still in control even under pressure, and skill to erase your trail.Yeah,you definitely need things like that.

Secondly, you need the ability to read the situation, so you know when to kill and when to just leave your victim and hide before *you* get killed. 

The third… Well, you need to have immense sense of loneliness and throw away whatever emotion you have.

I'm quite proud to say that I have all those skill, and although maybe I'm not an expert in the first two things, I'm quite sure that I can match any expert in existence in the world about the third thing; about the sense of loneliness and being cold and unemotional.

I don't really remember the last time I could still feel my emotions. I think it was when the doctors told me that Aya-chan was in acoma and they didn't know whether or not she would wake up. Since then I wore a mask of coldness, hate and resentment towards the others. I've never put off the mask, for so, so long that now I have no idea whether or not it still can be pulled off. 

It wasn't that much of a problem though. Besides, that made me just like a stereotypical image of an assassin: cold, brutal, hateful, unfeeling, merciless, and unemotional… All the good things of a good assassin, if you know what I mean. 

Then, I said goodbye happy and cheerful life, welcome Crasher and all of the shit that was to follow. I know I am bitter; you'll be the same way if you were in this world for too long. In those years with Crasher, I was almost thankful that I had thrown my emotions away.

You know that emotion makes you soft. You'll be feeling too much, caring too much with another, and *that* somehow will be your weakness; it will be the one that will eventually kill you at the end. Thank God, if you don't fall in love and get attached. You know what will happen if you fall in love. Your enemy will take it as your weak spot, andthen they will kidnap your loved one and use he/she against you.

Or at least that was what the people in Crasher told me. Thankfully, I haven't experienced any of that. I've told you I took precautions. 

Okay, you're right. I experienced that. Yeah twice, that Sakura girl and Aya-chan, *but* that is beside the point. It happened way after the Crasher.

Okay, so I can't deny that I actually cared, even for just an itsy bitsy tiny way, for my teammates in Crasher, mostly Knight, but it wasn't so much that would make me surrender to the enemy if they captured and held Knight hostage. Itwasn't so much that I would cry if they died. Sad, of course I would be, but I didn't think I'd cry.

Cold, yes I know. Ice doll, ice man, icicle from the coldest part of the south pole (yes that is worse than the north pole, right?), bastard, jerk, son of a bitch; name any that you can, I've earned all of them, and do I care? Truthfully? No. Cold bastard, I know, you don't have to point that out again.

Times goes on, the Crasher eventually broke up and I was left alone hunting the son of the devil, from the deepest part of the hell, called Taketori. 

Then came the next chapter of my life. Sayonara Crasher and please come in, Kritiker and the new assassin group with a strange name. It was a German name I think, and truth to be told, the translation is actually pretty cool. White cross, huh? Where are my glorious, stunning armor and my white horse?

It wasn't really a pleasant surprise to meet them. Of all places, I had to meet them on the top of the Takatori's building in the middle of my kamikaze act. Honestly, they were a bit… weird group.

I first met with the teenager with brown hair. Well, he seemed pretty harmless… and I attacked him. What could I do? I was trained to always take a suspicion towards the other, *especially* the one who showed up out of nowhere in the middle of my mission.

Good thing, though that I attacked first. What do you expect? You want me to wait until he used *that* strange weapon of his? No, thank you very much.

After that his group came out to reveal themselves. A beautiful young woman dressed as if she was in a lack of cloth… well, not that I really mind or gave any attention, actually. Then a tall longhaired blonde with wire and a child with bows.

They wanted me… well, actually the woman wanted me to join the group. I could see the lanky one wasn't too enthusiastic about this, the child was still unsure and the teenager stared at me like he was unsure of what to do towards me. 

I actually didn't have any intention to join the group. Once with the Crasher was enough, but the gun that was pointed to my head forced me to do otherwise. Well, even the great ones have to realize when the time callsto give up.

So the next day I came to *the* place, which was a flower shop. Yeah, good disguise for an assassins' base huh?(I'm being sarcastic here)… and then I was introduced to _my new group, which were all kids!!_

I swear… I mean *those* people… wait, those *boys* were my new teammates?? Oh, geez, what were they compared to Crasher?? They were only children! I doubted that they knew how to kill. 

I almost banged my head to the wall. Thank God, I still had my self-control. Yeah, somehow, that *would* differ me from them. I was a professional assassin, with tens, if not hundreds, of missions recorded in my history; 99% of them successfully done, thank you very much.

And they... They were only amateurs. Honest to God, the eldest of them was only 22 years old! Two of them were even under 20! 17 *and* 18! Oh, what a shame! I just hoped they could complete the mission properly.

But, contrary to my first impression… they really were all professional killers. They were professional killers and I was left wondering since when Omi, the genki kid, started killing. And Ken, that brash teenager… for God's sake, where the hell did he get his fighting and killing techniques? He had been a soccer player before Weiß!! Surely he wasn't taught about fighting and killing in the soccer academy right? Well, at least I knew that Yohji, the blondie bomb-shell (or so he claimed to be) had been a private detective before Weiß, so there was some basics of killing he knew.

It was, surprisingly, nice to live with them. To take care of the flower shop, which became my daily break from the dark world of killing and blood. All three of them were so nice too, each in their own unique way.

Ah, so here comes the unavoidable truth. Yes, living with them has unconsciously softened me and now I care too much, feel too much. I can't abandoned them, or let them get killed for the sake of some fucking missions, unlike the times in Crasher where everything was okay as long as the mission perfectly done.

Maybe it is because they are young, younger than those in Crasher? Maybe because they have something in them that I can't really define. Affection? Humanity? Loyalty? 

Even though each of them has their own effect on me, I am most affected by the brunette, Ken. I don't know, there is *something* about that boy. Okay, this is strange. If you compare him with Omi and Yohji, Ken is so… ordinary.

He isn't as genki or as genius as Omi. He, at first, isn't as witty or as sexually attractive like Yohji. He is so ordinary, I've told ya! While Omi and Yohji are like under the spotlight, Ken is like in the back, behind the curtain, with the shadows. 

And yet, to me he is the most attractive of the three. 

Omi's specialty is in charming other people by using his large blue eyes, which always leave people surrendering and doingwhat he asks them to do. Yohji's weapon in the middle of the day is his (so called) sexy smile and wink, which will make the girls melt right on the spot and make guys stare with jealousy.

I'm not impressed though.Seriously, If I want to, I can do Omi's large-pleading-puppy-eyed act, even though I doubt that it will be as effective as Omi's. And hell, Yohji should be thankful that I rarely smile! With all my modesty, I must say that if without smiling I can get *that* much of the fan girls swooning all over me, what will happen if I smile?? 

And Ken's weapon is … I mean *are* his innocence, his cheerfulness, his caring nature, and his clumsiness. Yeah, you heard that right, clumsiness. And truth to be told, I find all of them so endearing. And I can't match it. His weapons are all the things that I lack.

What the hell has happened with 'sense of loneliness and being unemotional' you ask? Well, it is pretty hard, I think. You see, I actually have promised myself that I would stay the way I was like when I was still in Crasher. I would be cold, I would be hateful, resenting other people… and I would *never* let any of the three new teammates to have such an influence on me, and that was a promise.

But oh, how he shines; from the very top strand of his hair to his toe. The way he moves, the way he laugh, the way he his eyes sparkling with life. His innocence, his naivety, his cheerfulness, his compassion, his clumsiness, his brashness… everything about him I find so attractive, so endearing. To me, he is the star on the stage, the one under the main spotlight, blinding everyone, blinding *me* with the glow, with somethingindescribablethat seems to radiate from him.

Oh, sure, talk about being a loser for breaking my own promise. But really, I can't help it.

Laugh all you want, but I think I am in love with him. Wait.Scratch that. I *know* and I am sure that I am in love with him. 

The way he shimmers, the way he shines… it is as if he was born to radiate, to shine some light down onto people like me. Poetic, huh? It is as if he is an angel sent from heaven to light up my life and I know you think I'm losing my mind to say such things like this. 

"Oi, Aya, we have finished. Do you want to go home now or you just want to sit there by yourself?"

I look up and see *his* face, Ken's face, looming over mine. Ah, so the soccer practice has ended huh? He looks down at me, chest heaving, eyes sparkling, trickles of sweat coursing down his fine, tanned body in a very delicious way. He grins at me, openly showing his generousness and openness that is so him. He looks so beautiful there, sweaty, brimming with life as the afternoon sun shines down on him.

And at the moment, I am not sure which one blinding me more: the smiling boy in front of me, or the red afternoon sun behind him.

It doesn't really matter actually. I stand up as he slings the small bag with the soccer ball in it across his shoulder. "So, that wasn't really bad huh? The soccer game I mean?" he chirps, eyeing me questioningly. "I've told ya that soccer is really exciting!"

He keeps talking as we walk towards the apartment, and I let him do all the talking. He doesn't expect me to talk back and I'm content enough to hear him talking like that.

'This is it?' you ask. Yes, unfortunately, but let me tell you one thing. Now I am proud and glad to announce that I have slowly but surely gained my emotions back.

It's quite fun to be a man with emotions after all. The current life isn't treating me that badly, especially when I have a certain brunette by my side to make me blind every time, everyday. And that really isn't a bad thing.

No, we are not an item yet, but I'll be sure I'll tell him what I feel and make him mine as soon as the opportunity comes. 

And don't worry; I'll be sure to tell you about that one.


End file.
